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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in strangerwithcandy/panamax's LiveJournal:

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Friday, September 14th, 2012
10:28 pm
where I'm at
Wow...what a week. Month. Year. Past few years.

My life has taken some dramatic turns.

2.7 years with my gf.
1 adorable King Charles Cavalier.
sperm sitting in quarantine at sperm bank - available for use in 6 months time
1 Master of Business Administration degree
Almost 1 Masters of Professional Accounting degree

Interview #1 complete with Pilot. So excited. Nervous. Now a 2 week wait to see if I score my preferred job. THe first time I have ever been excited for a $45,000 year salary!!

I needed Xanax for the interview. I practiced quesitons......at length. None of course were cast my way. I was happy that the interview was really a conversation.

I doubt myself.....a lot.... I doubt my intelligence. I think my results reflect only the hours of hard slog. It has a cost.

I have put on weight. I am approaching a record 62kg and I am unhappy with my current frame.

I am failing in my work-life balance again.

It is the assignment writing again, that has caused me angst...and hours and hours of work.

In other news my interest has been watching hours upon hours of girl-on-girl action on YouTube. All the tv shows - national and international - past and present - that feature lesbian story lines.....

and I am loving it.

Of course I have one extra goal for the coming 4 months.

To create a stunning video proposal to my adoring gf.

I will use the excuse that I am watching the lesbian shows to draw inspiration.

Truthfully it is the crack my body craves.

A vice.

Wasted time.

But such pleasant happy moments.

sweet sweet crack.

I am listening to the Trapeze swinger by Iron & Wine. ONe of those songs that move your core. As religious as any moment I've experienced
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
6:07 am
I want a life with Tina. I want it so bad, i've been staying with her in LA, on a holiday visa, as I work my way towards the red.

This has been such an emotional journey for me.

I have been looking at how to make the situation work. I can't work here and can't stay here.... only if I commit fraud and marry an American boy (which we have considered). Or, if Tina gets a gender reassignment and becomes Tim, a ridiculous but probably more simple option.

We have even talked about having kids and would love the opportunity. 2 little eurasian kiddies.

Moving too fast?

Perhaps, but I have little control over these strong desires.

It has also been about working out a solution financially. Needing to set ourselves up for the future. A difficult situation, since I'm not earning and we are between two countries.

I've had a sometimes obsessive fascination with making money. I've made it and lost it, several times over.

it has all been a journey and one in which i have no regrets. I've had the luxury of risk, with only myself to support and no oppressive mortgages.

Anyways, that being said, I'm still keen on getting comfortable/ rich but perhaps will focus on creating some safety and security and a more stable path to financial freedom (versus the guru get rich schemes).

I've been brainwashed by Robert Kiyosaki, author of 'Rich Dad Poor Dad'. Tina and I attended a workshop of his on the weekend, a mere $500 investment for the two of us. I'm not regretting this, it introduced me to the spectrum of real estate opportunities in the US and the terminology. It was however a cleverly manipulated marketing scam to lure you into >$10,000 advanced training courses.

Now I have been reading property magazines and investor magazines for almost a decade. Can you believe Tina and I signed up for such advanced training? We were suckers. It's the day after the training and i've reflected on the cost of the course and the leverage lost and now Tina has applied for a refund. Since it is within 3 days, she should meet the refund requirements, but fuck I'd be irrate if it was denied.

What a fucken schemer.

I was a fan of Robert Kiyosaki. His books/ CDs/ Dvd's opened my eyes, much in the way the '4 hour work week' did. But after Tina charged her credit card at yesterdays heavily pressured seminar, i delved into RK web searches and was alarmed by the number of unsatisfied customers. He's a brilliant marketer. If his mechanism for squatting in the Business/ Investor quadrant involves ripping off clueless individuals just wanting some runway lights to the real estate ladder, then I resign to life in the Employee / Self-employed quadrant.

In his books he suggests engaging in network marketing - to get comfortable with rejection and a bonus source of income.

That is really all he is. A network marketer with a bleached white smile, slick suit, and an attractive marketing graduate puppet wife.

I was thinking of moving to the B quadrant, but I have little energy left. I think I might be an E for a while.
Friday, November 7th, 2008
4:35 pm
So i was introduced to the spoken word. I love it. I have my own beat running through my head. It comes to me when I'm walking to the gym and i don't have a pen. I've been inside all day, the sun has set. I'm thinking about my life and where I'm heading. The claims i've made. The perceptions of myself. It's easy to say I'm a risk taker. Easy to think I'm comfortable with losing. That things will work out. I've got my chips stacked on the table, i've placed my bet, it's a matter of waiting. There's a terror that stares at you when you face nothing. A shiver. A child lost. It's frightening, you didn't think you'd feel it. You're educated, why do you take these bets? it's risky to take risks, but it's riskier to not take them. To miss out on Vegas, on Rio and operas. To miss out on Derrick Brown.

I've placed my bet but there's so many variables. Jobs, borders, love, family, future, there's no way to predict an outcome. But there's a force that pins me, and there is no choice. What happens if she decides that it's all too hard? What happens to the months i've lost, the bank a/c that's deflated? it's not the dollars I'm spending, it's the dollars i'm not making. It's the difficulties that lie in the future. The families on opposite sides of the world. It's trickier than i imagined. I miss my sister J, my buddy jo's, my mum. To have a life in another country? it's another world, it's starting over. It's trust.
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
6:18 am
I'm not American, but I don't understand this country and politics. So California legalised gay marriage earlier in the year. Now it's election time, they have a proposition '8' which is a movement to ban gay marriage. This proposition has gained $57 million in campaigning for and against. The Mormons being prominent in the movement against. I understand those 'for' gay marriage spending big. They have a vested interest in the outcome. I can not understand the against gay marriage attracting so many $$$$$. Are straight people that threatened by equal rights?? it frustrates the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, June 8th, 2008
12:37 pm
I've taken my nocte dose of prn temazepam. 40 minutes ago now, so the eyes are drooping heavy. i'm playing Clare bowditch's "I thought you were God". On repeat. Like I used to play it in Rocky when I first discovered this sensational moving artist. So I'm listening and reflecting.... it's melancholic, yet inciteful and hopeful.... I love it.

Life has been a compound fracture for since my months holiday in America. I realise that staying local is staying idol.

B, this is why you and I broke up. And this is why you and I were destined for a brief affair. I need someone to push me. To inspire me. To offer me dreams and motivation. I couldn't be the tap, the only source of spontaneity, effort, hope. I needed someone who had dreams for something greater than a mundane Maryborough existence. Perhaps you would be willing to move around with me. But I needed someone who would drag me around. I couldn't handle being a sugar mamma to someone 3 years my senior.

You are excited about taking the sides off your ute. For no practical reason but because you think it will look 'hot'.
1. I don't think 'hot' can be attached to the word utility vehicle.
2. I don't see how taking sides of a ute could in any way improve the aesthetic appeal.
3. You are excited about buying a dashboard cover to protect the car. Don't talk to me about spending money enhancing the car I gave you hard earned cash to buy.

There. That is it. In a nutshell. That is why you and I could not be.
12:08 pm
Some families/ people have their look together. The house is pristine. The car is flashy. Dad mows the lawn every second weekend, drinks beer and cooks BBQs with his polo wearing 'mates'. The mum has nutritious Donna Hay inspired meals on the table each night. The 2.5 kids and the family pet. In Nyah West when I was 5, it was the Beinda Sides', Michael Correnti's, Tanya Jollie's. Their parents were young, friends with each other and lived in town. They rode their bikes to school with their proud red triangle flags. In primary school it was the Carly Rose's, the Lauren Davies', the Michelle Briggs' that had my envy. THey lived in brick houses on the same street in Pialba and were always dressed in cute clothes. My mothers priority was not taming our hair or dressing us in cute frocks. Her mission was spreading a thin budget to give us every opportunity she was denied. Swimming/dancing/piano/guitar/brownies/athletics. We moved 'into town' for the first time when I entered year 9. I was excited, I thought I was nearing the domain I envied - but I never felt I got there. We had a brick home, a new holden. The home was big but the 1.25 acre garden was seldom in control. The car was an aqua green that I was a little unsure about. Our Dog was a mutt that would never pose in D&G gear. My parents were that little bit too old.

As an adult, those desires seem laughable. I am typing this in my old room. Jenny is home for the weekend and is pleasing mum with her attendance at church. I am puppy sitting Dudley, the prized toy poodle, who dislikes me and the attention I steal from his 'mummy'. While Carey, my adored mutt sits uncomplaining outside my window on this dank, gloomy winter's day. Dudley wears D&G and is ferried around in the Lexus 4 wheel drive, head outside in the wind.

I am nearing the age of some of the parents of my primary school friends. It puts a different spin on things!! If I reflect on the families I envied, I can summise a few things. They were young, working class and had a good network of friends. They were not loaded, but mum put energy into presentation. They made good choices with the bank accounts they had.

I no longer want the picture perfect life I once envied. A football loving husband, 2.5 kids, a maltese terrior, a 2008 holden commodore in a little suburban brick house would make me claustrophobic and nauseous. I desire a more colourful life.

But I do value the presence of friends and good presentation.

It is easy to be slob. It is easy to focus on work and leave looks on the back burner. What do you get in the end? A haggard, tired, boring life. Alternatively, you could invest in your look. It's more enviable than a bank a/c.
Sunday, April 13th, 2008
1:43 am
It's been 3 weeks, 6 plane flights, 2 countries (US, Mexico), 5 States (Hawaii, California, Nevada, Arizona, New York). Highlights include Dinah Shores at Palm Springs (does any Australian lesbian believe the L word exists?? it does and it's the world of the Los Angeles lesbian). This circuit event is out of control. I stayed at one of the host hotels with a great group of girls I met on Craigs list. White parties, pool parties, parties at the hotels on every floor. 3000 lesbians soaking up sun, like-minds and attention. Girls with MBAs, engineers, artists. One became a little more than a friend. I'm sensitive about the subject, because I do not want to disrespect B. But to omit T, I'd omit a true highlight. I'm excited by the prospect of seeing her in the future. We road tandem bikes at Venice Beach and she helped me do my laundry. She's born in Taiwan, has an MBA and witt I adore. Dinah was full of golden tans, scorching bodies and peacocks used to attention.

Other highlights. My time with Steve. I love spending time with people who inspire me. Give me a taste for success. I forgot what it was like to be with someone where money is no object. He gave $100 to a waitor to bypass the restaurant queue at the saddle bar. Money can buy happiness. We went to universal studios, VIP of course (a premium of $60) again, we did not have to queue for rides. Valet parking for the BMW. So many swanky restaurants. Sushi, prime rib, risotto. Always complimented by a choice drop of red.

Mexico was dirty. A big downgrade from Orange County but a fun day trip. You can buy Viagra and Cialis over the counter. Pharmacias litter the streets. The tacos were served in soft shells, completely foreign to the dish served in the Western world. It was spring break time - young bodies basked on the beaches of Rosarita. Telcate flowed from the fountains.

Vegas was schizophrenic. Masses of people. Poker chips. Cocktails. Mini worlds - Caesars Palace, the Bellagio, the Vanician, Paris.... so many experiences compressed in vibrant Neon.

and now....New York. A chance to see Rebi. I'm staying in Brooklyn. Cute streets (like Sesame St), pizza delivery boys on bicycles, laundromats, trendy delis, bars & restaurants. So much choice.

I have renewed zest for life and a hunger for success. I want a job that takes me across oceans. I want the mac laptop, blackberry, prestige car, GPS, quaint apartment, designer labels...

B is packing my gear in boxes and is dropping it to Mum. She doesn't want to see me again. It's sad, but it offers me freedom. I am no longer weighed down by another body. I can relocate with not to much drama. The world feels accessible.
Sunday, March 16th, 2008
10:22 am
- viv doesn't want to share her house, "if i want to walk around naked, i can't if there's someone there." was she trying to be sexy? trying to fire my imagination? She paused as if waiting for my response. It was not a pretty thought. She's 40 and looks it, i don't walk around my home naked (much) and i'm 26.

- never assume anything about customers. i made a very embarrassing slip. I have a good rapore with this male customer and make a special effort to give at least a smile/wave when he comes into the shop. The other day i did a script for a very sick older lady who was in his company. THey shared the same surname and because he was looking after her, I made the flawed assumption she was his mother. The following day I saw him at Woolworth's, and shot him a, "Hi there, how's your mother. erm. is bev your mum?" He shook his head, "it's my wife. she's doing ok....". Ouch, I wanted to click my fingers and disappear. "Thanks for caring", it was another blow.
Monday, November 26th, 2007
12:04 am
You go to the clubs... everyone walks around with that air, 'notice me. i'm special. i'm different. i'm worth more attention than the average person.'

There are a lot of beautiful ppl in this world. Flawless skin, straight white teeth, size 8 fashion queens. It's dangerous when ppl rely on their physical beauty. Gravity and time will decay sex appeal, exposing the true being.

Sometimes arrogance is warranted. The person is outstanding.

Sometimes arrogance is a front for insecurity. But the arrogance is an act that doesn't fool anybody. In fact the dissonance draws attention to the ridiculousness of the person and they look a bigger fool.

Sometimes the arrogance is alcohol induced confidence. This sort of arrogance doesn't annoy me

I remember in an introductory psychology class, reference to the better-than-average effect. On average, ppl think they are funnier, smarter, better looking etc etc. than the average person. If you passed primary school maths, you would know the comedic flaw in this better-than-average effect. I guess it's a good thing ppl have a decent opinion of themselves. It's just slightly irritating when someone with an IQ of 80 who's been beat with the ugly stick struts around like they're all that.
Thursday, October 11th, 2007
6:45 pm
I was speaking to Queer 101 Scott on the phone, a boy I completely adore! Then he asks the question, "when did you become so...so...". I prompt, "intelligent? sexy?". He finishes his sentence "so rural?". I chuckle every time! I do not know how this happened. My life was not meant to be this.... this... rural. Something will have to change.


I had a short-lived crush on this young Dr at the hospital a few years ago. She was Christian but had short hair so I clung to the possibility she may be gay. We got chatting about her unruly lawn and I realised the street she lived was not far from my home. I offered to mow her lawn with my electric start John Deer ride on mower. *Cough* Idiot Kristine! It turns out her house was much further than I envisioned and unruly was an understatement. I emerged from the dense forrest hours later. The skin on my exposed knees the hue of a roasted lobster. I was given a cup of cold cordial for my efforts. I journeyed back home on my unregistered John Deer. Past neighbours and kids on bikes, shrinking every time a car passed.

She is married to a guy now.

The end
Thursday, August 30th, 2007
12:35 am
The world is suddenly becoming green conscious.... My conundrum.
I've been chewing gum lately. To counter the 'hammer-men' mum once warned me about - the little men that chisel at pearly whites coated with musk sticks/ werther's originals/ glucojel jelly beans. My friends would testify, I have a sweet tooth and my diet is an inverted food pyramid. I also drink a lot of canned soft drink (sugar-free of-course...back off hammer-men, these are my incisors, canines and molars!). I have a habit of discarding flavourless gum in empty soft-drink cans. I have a conscience and I hear the call of the trees and of my great grand-children's grand children, 'Recycle, Kristine, friend of the planet. Recycle your used cans'.

This brings me to my problem. Once the gum is placed in the empty aluminium can, is the can no longer recycable?? Worse, if unwittingly tossed with masses of aluminium cans, could gum compromise the integrity of a batch of recycled metal? Perhaps I'm best wrapping my gum in a piece of carbon-costing junk mail.

Like sands through an hour glass, these are the days of our lives...
12:12 am
I was playing with my gf's nipples the other day and I grabbed one between my fingers and joked, "got your nipple" (in reference to that old kid joke: "got your noes"). I added, "that's a fun game my uncle used to play with me when I was a little girl." My girlfriend stared at me in shock.... I threw more wood on the fire, "got your clit was another favourite game my uncle taught me....and catch the snake..."

Hang up the phone, no need to dial child protection services. I had to explain my sick perverted joke. Let the record stand, my uncle did not play such games.


My sister has thought of the next prime-time block buster, "straight eye for a queer girl". It's genius. No signing contracts with NBC, this is my pitch!!!

And a second show.... "The gay bachelor / lesbian bachelorette". Jam packed with testosterone/oestrogen. Included in the dating mix - transgenders/bi's/the token straight(curious)/queens/kings/sex addicts/contestants with poor self-esteem/a religious straight convert.... Oh, the possibilities! Any venture capitalists want to back this horse? I'm thinking spa baths, big-brother style filming, alcohol on tap.
Sunday, July 8th, 2007
7:19 pm
I can think of one item where price hasn't increased proportionally over time with the CPI. Shoes. My mum used to mumble at the price of my low-range Nike runners - $70 in 1992. I could pick up an adult pair for under that price today.


life is a struggle. I earn an attractive salary. I've saved a decent deposit for a house. What is the next step? Do I buy? Do I lock myself into brick and mortar and interest repayments in this current housing affordability crisis? Do I put my cash into shares in this overvalued market? Do I wait and do nothing? Paying 40% tax and getting no deductions? Do I buy a pub in Maryborough? I've seriously considered this. Do I pursue travel? So many places to see. Do I work o/seas? Immerse myself in different cultures/places.... London/ Dublin/ Brighton/ Canada... Should I be working in Aus and spending o/seas? Or working abroad, earning pittance but enjoying novel opportunities?

Will Bec come?

So many questions.

I want to have kids in the next 3 years. Tick-tock.
Saturday, July 7th, 2007
1:10 am
i am happy to share my glucojel jellybeans... just not when i near my last few... the final 3 are infinately more satisfying than the first thoughtless gulps..

the world is full of egocentric ppl who can't understand why they would not be enough to satisfy me...

if i was dumped...i guess i would want to know why: "because i am with someone far hotter than you. i've stopped looking".


Every time I go out, I'm more and more aware of my age and the aging process... I'm no longer the finger licking' chicken I once was... I'm the old hen. The tough meat. It cuts, but that's the circle of life. I'm just glad I wasn't born a retard. Seriously. I had my few years of shining...and I'm still a top chick.


Bec is a hotty. IT WAS that first smile that hooked me line and sinker. I was. That stunning, genuine grin. So sexy, I just wanted to bask in it. I did. And it is fantastic.
Monday, May 21st, 2007
11:12 pm
When i visited WA a few years ago, my mother urged me to check out Rottnest. I skipped the trip, but lied to satisfy my mother's enthusiasm. She wanted specifics and all I could offer was, "Lovely white sands and turqouise waters". lol... i came clean a few years later when she was sharing photos of her trip!!

I'm predominantly attracted to women. But every leap year, a guy comes along who makes me question my place on the gay-straight spectrum. Guys bring this illusion of security. But overwhelmingly, I'm drawn to sexy girls! Unfortunately, 5 criteria need to be met: 1. physically attractive 2. intelligent (somewhat - needs to work out how to open a jar of treats, in a time less than Oscar the octopus) 3. available 4. gay 5. requited interest!!!!!

There are a lot of fat/crass lesbians... Even more evident when you frequent a rural Maryborough 'diversity night'!! "stop vag dacing with my bitch" etc. etc. I don't know why i'm struggling to find a local soul mate!

Has Missy revealed an interest in girls?? We can all dream :)

As for the weekend, Dawn & I didn't quite muster the energy to climb mountains. We did however manage a stoll around the Eumundi markets and a trip to the Oz Zoo. While crowds were starring at the elephant's feeding, Dawn spotted Terri Irwin. I did the lame tourist thing and took a photo of Dawn with Terri (Dawn's british, she didn't know any better!). We later spotted the manic Bindi. lol
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
11:06 pm
life is a little crazy... as always. I'm living in Hervey Bay again. Decent $$ and three day weekends every second week.

I've been seeing Maree for almost 3 months. The long distance thing is kicking in and it's starting to grate. All i want is a hug at the end of the day. ok. and some uninhbited animalistic lovin'.

I had a wicked b'day this year. Joanna & her boy Luke (now ex-), Jen & Mitch and Maree & I tripped over to Kingfisher Bay for the weekend. The waitress stopped serving our table alcohol - A Dr, Dr to be, Pharmacist, Psychologist, budding property millionare and a painter all completely maggot! We were the annoying group of teenagers (erm ok. under 30-year-old's) resort guests and Kristine's roll their eyes and shake there heads at. After slurring a few college songs we splashed into the resort pool - some of us clad in nickers and some of us enjoying stream-line liberation in the night-time view of resort guests. It was the best fun I've had since college.

I went to Brisbane on the weekend and had some naughty pills. I'm fully wired. I managed to fall into the land of nod after dowing temazepam with a beer at 4am. I coped ok at work. No law-suits at this stage.

It's past midnight and i'm still buzzing. shit

Life's been mostly good. I adored the simplicity of Rockhampton. I found contentment in crab 'potting' (in joke), bbq's with my gf's friends & family, fishing, chilling with DVDs, xxxx, xxxx, xxxx, journeys on Maree's motorbike. Simple uncomplicated fun.

I'm back in the Bay and once again I've jumped on the mouse wheel. I don't have Maree to distract me so I've been spending my free time researching investment opportunities. I've dropped a wee bit in my pay packet since moving from locum Rocky work to the permanent job in Maryborough Friendlies, but the pay is ample - more than most of my fellow graduates and double the wage I was getting in the public hospital! Yet I feel this sense of akathesia (a disabling internal restlessness that some patient's on antipsychotic medication experience). No i haven't been diagnosed with a psychosis. it's an analogy to describe the intense pent-up need for me to make something of myself eg. Buy a house/commercial property/risky shares. Get my motorbike license. Start my pride business (erm, that's hush hush).

I feel this urgent need to buy real estate in inner-city Brisbane. Windsor/Kelvin Grove/Camp Hill. And I want it NOW!!!
Geez, I need to settle...maybe once these stimulants are out of my system I will breathe yoga breathes.

i had a prang in my sister's car on the weekend. It was my first car accident and it was of- course upsetting. No-one was hurt and the insurance companies have yet to battle it out to decide who is liable.


Do you remember the childhood lollies 'Fags'? White musk lollies imitating cigarettes with a red-food-colour-dyed 'lit end'. At 8 yrs my friends and I felt cooly mature as we drew fags from the 'carton' and expertly mimicked the drag of a nicotine-addict (juxtaposing the hand-mouth action with a greedy lick, suck and nibble of the sugary treat). The other day I chanced upon Fags at a garage station. I purchased a few boxes for old times sake. On closer inspection, the product had now responsibly separated itself from the tobacco industry with the proprietary name 'Fads' and the slogan 'Fun Sticks'. The tips were white and no longer a cindering red. As a junior, I was ignorant to the ethical ramifications of marketing 'Fags' to unsuspecting child targets. Indeed I was ignorant to the words 'ethical', 'ramification' and in all likeliness the word 'ignorant'. I expect it was a tobacco company that first launched and funded this childhood sweet. Smart business plan. I find it somewhat amusing the product remained in circulation in my formative days.
Saturday, December 30th, 2006
8:26 am
Have you ever gotten your period in a place where you have not had access to tampons or pads? (ie. the place of someone you have a huge crush on) Have you ever used a sheet of toilet paper to get you to the shops to make your purchase? Have you ever proceeded to the toilet cubicle to fit feminine hygiene products only to discover the protective sheet of toilet paper missing?

it happened to a friend of a friend of mine...
Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
1:16 am
Australia isn't quite the reality I had hoped for.

A quick update I am single. karma police. I'm a little sad, but will survive...

I got proposed to by e-mail yesterday. I went on four dates with this Japanese Adam Sandler look-alike. He writes to me every day even though I have only replied a brief 'Hi' once!!! Maybe this is the way Japanese women play hard to get.... He must think I'm mulling carefully over his proposal, because he has e-mailed me two reminder proposals! Here is a sample of his entertaining e-mails:

Hi I got home around 10pm and just ordered sushi. I will eat them and go to bed.. good night!
I miss you and want to kiss you.

Good morning!! I woke up and went to the sandwich restaurant and Tully's near Daimon station, got home and am listening the cd(Big strides "small town, big strides") that I got Yesterday that is very cool and I like it a lot.
Please come to Japan soon, I can not wait to see you!!!
Take care of yourself,

Hi I just got home, it is 10pm, got onigiri(rice ball) at am pm and just ate them. I will go to bad in an hour. I miss you and am in love with you, want to start a life with you and build up things together.
I always think of you.
Good night.

Hi I just got home from work, it is 10pm. I am very tired and my back hurts a lot.
Since you left Japan, I have been feeling emptiness and am very sad. I miss you so much. Please please come back soon.

Hi Kristine, I went to Shibuya by a bus this afternoon to buy a calculator, a CD of Big strides, foods, and rested at home. I am very sad that you are leaving Japan, I will miss you and I need you.
I want you to come back to Japan soon, and I want to start living together for a new life at my small apartment with you. I think about you and future very seriously. I believe that you understand my feeling.
Please take care of yourself.
I miss you a lot.

Good morning! I will also be busy for attending meetings Today. I will order Sushi for delivery at my apt and take a rest Tonight. Hope you are enjoying your trip in Osaka!! I always miss you.

Hi i just got work, I went to Tully's this morning, ate a bagel and studied for 30min. I am happy that you are enjoying your trip in Kyoto!! I miss your smile! For work, I think I am doing ok!
I always think of you.

Hi Kristine
I just got work,I was able to leave here 8pm and got india food to go near my apt.,and watched cable TV at my apt last night. I have a few conference meetings Today so I will prepare for it from now. And new person(manager) joined my dept from Vodafone Yesterday.
I always hope you are doing well and happy.
I want to hold your hand now.
Miss you a lot

So that is the usual formula of his e-mails... The time is... I just finished work. I ate... i brought... I miss you always. Masaki!!!!

I don't know how to tackle this situation. I have written an e-mail explaining that I really want to work as a pharmacist in Australia and wont be going back to Japan. Should I be more blunt??
Saturday, August 5th, 2006
12:14 am
I have made two great friends in Tokyo, CJ and Abbi.

CJ (to guy at bar): I'm going to the toilet...and by that I mean I'm not coming back!

Abbi (to guy who expects her to pay for her own drink): How about you enjoy your drink by yourself.


The fushimi-inari Taisha shrine in Kyoto was worth the 8 kilometers of sweat and exhaustion.... The best I've seen in Japan!!


I have no respect for people who work as little as they can. That's bullshit. Work hard, play hard, pay your own way and pay the way for the beautiful women in your company!!!!! Jenny tells me those fucking guys we met last night were english teachers. ONe guy worked 12 hours per week. What a fucken loser. (ok, don't judge me, this is a temporary holiday....on the other hand this guy is a balding 45+ year old who can't afford to pay for ladies drinks). Zero respect.


The world is an amazing place, I want to see it all. But for now I want the comfort of a familiar bed, the stimulation of daily work, to learn how to cook and to read the newspaper daily. In English. Home on Sunday, I'm quite excited. I'm still having a fabulous time though, 1 more night to cram in some hard core drinking and then it's detox time.
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
11:47 pm
What a waste of a night in Kyoto!!!

Really, Tokyo has us spoilt!

Firstly, following Jenny`s big $30 win lastnight at `the slut...the slut...the slot machines` we headed back for a bit more kitch Japanese pokie action.

She lost her $10 and that was that, we walked away. After feasting on Japanese fast food we opted for a McDonald`s Mcflurry where we met a struggling continental Japanese pianist who had lived in Melbourne for 1.5 years. He introduced us to his friend John, who was about 45, from the US & was working at Kyoto university. We met at McDonalds, we should have known at that point to walk away...

These guys suggested we go to the Ace bar. We had nothing to do, so sure, we followed along... After several bottles of beer and a few cocktails, John`s friends joined us. One friend, lets call him stingy-chubby-30-year-old-American plonked himself between my sister and John. His other friend, lets call him stingy-`i work as little as i can`-Brit sat to my right. He had this immensely irritating mouth and balding unkempt hair. The conversation flowed but was a little on the dull side. These guys were really average and were lucky to enjoy the fine company of my sister and myself. Next thing, John leaves the table and the bar and doesn`t return... he threw a little tantrum because he wasn`t getting any attention. Stingy-30-year-old-American and stingy-`i work as little as i can`-Brit had moved in on his find.

The night droned on, I was ready to head, but the stingy American lad suggested we do `death Karoake`. I had never heard of this style of karoake and was half curious. The concept is simple, you get to drink as much as you want, and sing karoake pissed. So we agreed to continue on to the death Karoake club.

The boys then bring up the issue of bill payment. They were only prepared to pay for the drinks that came out later in the night after they had arrived. This was fucked up! We were paying for John who stormed out with his hissy fit, and this struggling bohemian Japanese man, when we had sipped just a little beer. It was so FUCKED!!!!!

We are not used to paying. For several weeks we have been treated to free drinks, meals, entrance to clubs & bars...We have never dolled out a yen for our great nights! In fact, sometimes we were paid to drink. ie. bottleback (some Tokyo clubs have this sneaky system where you get guys to buy you a bottle of wine/ champagne and you get commission on the sale) Crazy!!

Needless to say, we paid our bill and came up with a dodgy excuse for not belting out our tunes at Death Karaoke, `Our hostel locks it`s doors at midnight`.
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